After that first blissful night in an Icelandic nightclub, the next thing you’ll want to do is have an Icelandic baby. This is perfectly understandable, but be warned: you’ll have to give it an Icelandic name. It’s the law.

You might frown at a rule dictating what you may or may not name your child, muttering something about freedom of choice, but you’ll soon find the rules helpful. After all, the more interesting your child’s name, the more interesting you yourself appear to be, so naming your kid Aðalbjörg will give you all sorts of cool cache. Plus it will prove to your friends and family that you’re finally shacking up with an Icelander.

But some Icelandic names sound disappointingly English, so avoid “Jón”, “Davið”, “Anna”, “María” and “Nóvember” at all costs. Instead, how about “Snjólaukur” for a boy, or “Grettisgata” for a girl? Whatever you do, do not name your baby “Björk” — it’s just trying too hard.

Hopefully you already understand about the Icelandic last-name conventions, which dictate that boys take their father’s first name and stick a “son” on the end of it and girls have to do the same with “dóttir”. And if you’re really, truly traditional you’ll give your son both his father’s first name and last name as a special treat — which is how the world was blessed with the likes of Magnus Magnusson.

But try to be original: there are many beautiful Icelandic names to choose from - some more pronounceable than others. Luckily, nearly all Icelanders are given nicknames that are shortened, easier versions of their birth-names at some point, which means that no matter what you choose to name your child, it will inevitably be known as either Siggi or Sigga in the end anyway. So much for cool cache.

Don’t take our word for it: before naming your baby you’d be wise to look up Wikipedia’s full list of genuine Icelandic names for boys and girls. And you can check their meanings here. Good luck!

45 different ways to say the word “green,” but if you want a beer just say “I want beer.”

As one Icelandic language teacher told her foreign students: “F#%& the grammar! You’ll never get it right, so let’s just talk.” Hmm, encouraging. But when you consider that there are 45 different ways just to say the word “green,” and then you have to think about cases, genders, and conjugation (whatever that is), you realize that she’s on to something.

Learning Icelandic is like getting a tattoo on your arse: it’s time consuming, painful, and you rarely get a chance to show it off. It’s an old language, not that different from Old Norse, and Icelanders don’t expect visitors to master much of it on their romantic mini-breaks. But speaking just a little will impress their socks off. Just don’t expect anybody to buy you a drink for it.

Thanks
“Takk”
Luckily, the most useful Icelandic word also happens to be the easiest to pronounce. Say what you see.

I want beer
Ég vil bjór “Yeg vill byor”
Say bjór the same way you’ve been incorrectly saying Björk all this time, just drop the K.

Please
Um, there isn’t a word for please.
If you want a beer, just say “I want beer”. Then just say takk a lot to make up for your appallingly bad manners.

Where is the train station?
There isn’t a train station either, forget about it.

Where is Björk?
Hvar er Björk? “Kvarr er B-yeurk?”
Okay, that cute letter with the little dots over it? It’s not pronounced “o.” Impress all your friends by saying her name the Icelandic way — you won’t be annoying at all.

You’re standing on my foot
Þú stendur á fæti mínum “Thoo stender ow feitee meenum”
Handy in nightclubs.

How much does this cost?
Forget it, you don’t want to know.

One hot dog with everything.
Eina með öllu “Ayna meth utloo”
Tough to pronounce, but well worth it, trust us.

Where is _____?
Hvar er _____? “Kvath er _____?”
Insert location of your choosing. We suggest “your place.”

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